i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
