I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
