I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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