My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
