just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
