Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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