White coat. Heels.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
