A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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