Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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