She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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