Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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