i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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