There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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