I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
