Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
