She said her name was "party"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
