; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
