If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
