My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
