I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
