Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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