At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
