I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
