I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
its not stalking. its research.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize