Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
