And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
time to smoke my breakfast
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
