Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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