Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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