We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
