Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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