didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ttyl tear gas
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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