i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
