yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
