I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize