I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
