Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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