he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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