Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
