But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
from now on my penis is your penis
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're a disaster
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