But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
