i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
