Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
