I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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