This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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