Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
