I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
