Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
