There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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