but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
