well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i dont even know how to be here
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
