If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
