btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
