dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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