god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
