he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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