Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
