I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
