this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
