Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
