Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
