see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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