hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
