I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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