can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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