ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
